


all that i can be

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega Obi-Wan, Update: fuck it I'm orphaning this, i'll try to finish it (after i edited it and stuff because i feel like it's kind of bad), i'm asexual why am i even attempting to write this, pls dont read this, pre-TPM, you dont have the power to stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-20 16:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9500861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	1. Chapter 1

Obi-Wan let out a low groan as he lay on his bed, trying to get his thoughts off his aching body and its damn need. He'd been shocked when he'd gone into heat a few hours before after returning from a successful mission with his master. It had begun as a light tingling in his lower regions, and then got worse and worse, until his skin felt like it'd burn to ashes if he didn't give into the heat, and soon.

The first thing he did, though, was to go and hide in his masters and his shared quarters, hoping desperately the older man wouldn't notice his absence and follow him. He honestly didn't know if he'd be able to control himself if Qui-Gon were to find him in this state. He imagined the other would be ashamed of his student, of his weakness- maybe even regret taking him as a Padawan in the first place. The last thing Obi-Wan wanted was to disappoint his master. As an Omega, he was often looked down upon. There had been people who had believed him too weak and unstable to be one of the Jedi, and they'd made sure to tell him that at any given opportunity, lest he ever forget. 

He'd often wished to be a Beta- to be normal, like most members of the Jedi order, like the other Padawans his age. He felt so alone at times. He felt like he had to hide away, even from his master, whom he believed to be an Alpha for quite some time now.

It certainly made sense. Qui-Gon was tall, intimidating, and always so...in control. If he really were an Alpha, how did he do it? Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, sighing miserably. He'd had a crush on the man for years now, though he hoped he'd done a good job at hiding it from the Jedi master. If his master found out about his students "little infatuation" with him it would only make things complicated, interfere with his training or worse, put a strain on their relationship that he didn't want.

Obi-Wan shifted on the bed restlessly as another surge of heat went through him. His body trembled and he bit his lip, feeling himself getting wet as his ass oozed a fair amount of fluid that seeped into the light fabric of his leggings. Somewhat clumsily, he pushed the offending garment down and threw them onto the floor next to the bed, then pulled the blankets over himself and curled up under them, trying to make himself smaller. The fabric felt soft against his overheated skin, and he imagined his masters arms around him, holding him, before he banished the thought with a slight shake of his head. 

//Stop it//, he chided himself, //this will be over soon. You'll make it without making a fool of yourself.//

//You'll make it.//

Hopefully.

But still...

Obi-Wan made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat as he tossed and turned in his bed. He felt so hot, and all he wanted was for this to stop.  


Please, make it stop. Just make it stop.

Qui-Gon...

Then, his legs seemed to move on their own accord as he pulled the crumpled white sheets around himself and stood. Warm wetness ran down the backs of his legs, dripping onto the floor. The blanket trailed behind him, almost causing him to fall as he opened the door to his master's room, peeking inside. Of course, Qui-Gon wasn't there yet. He was still somewhere in the temple, probably talking to Mace and discussing their mission. Obi-Wan would have kept him company, if the circumstances were a little different. 

A tremor went through the Padawan's fragile body. He let the sheets drop to the floor and stood next to the Jedi master's bed, ignoring all the little voices in his head that kept screaming at him to go back to his own room, and now! It seemed, when going into heat, he lost all ability for rational thought. There was only his need. The rest just kinda...disappeared to the back of his mind, kept there until it was over and he didn't feel like an animal anymore, unable to control himself. 

He'd never like this side of himself, he thought as he slowly crawled onto the bed, Qui-Gons scent already filling his nostrils, calming him down a little. Though, after only a few moments he had to realise that while it may be easier to pretend his master was with him, it did nothing to soothe the ache that was spreading through his body like wildfire, making him desperate. He could have been lost in outer space and he wouldn't have noticed. His vision was blurry and the room seemed to have lost all colour all of a sudden. 

His fingers clenched in the sheets as he fought the urge to spread his legs and wait for his master's return.

He wondered how Qui-Gon would react. Would he be angry, shocked? Would he throw him out or...would he accept his student's offer and end his heat, free him of this unbearable feeling? The thought alone was enough to make him close his eyes and moan quietly, squirming. Until now, he'd never had the desire to let an Alpha mate with him, though he could never deny that he found Qui-Gon extremely attractive. With his master, it'd be good, he thought. It'd be so good.

Obi-Wan stayed where he was, not moving from the bed, refusing to think about the consequences his actions may bring forth. He'd gone on for so long without giving in, he just couldn't do it anymore. He didn't want to. 

He needed something. Someone...

But when he heard the door to their quarters open, his eyes snapped open, all pretense of calmness gone and leaving only panic.

He heard his masters footsteps coming closer. His pulse quickened. He let out a small sob as he found himself unable to move. 

There was silence. Then, he heard his masters voice.

"Obi-Wan?"


	2. Chapter 2

Fear.

Shame.

The feelings coming from Obi-Wan took Qui-Gon entirely by surprise. It had been so long since he had felt his Padawan's emotions flowing through their bond. Far too long. 

His joy was quickly overshadowed by the fact that Obi-Wan was clearly upset. 

"Where is your Padawan, Qui-Gon?", Mace asked him, breaking his train of thought. Qui-Gon didn't answer immediately, still slightly startled. Where was Obi-Wan? That question had been nagging at him for quite some time now. It certainly wasn't lost on him that after completing a mission, Obi-Wan always seemed to become invisible, withdrawing from everyone. Qui- Gon knew his student had never been the most affectionate person, rather tensed at times, but never so...distant. At thirteen, Qui-Gon had simply thought him shy, but his view of him quickly changed as he got to know the "real Obi-Wan", a boy who was keen and most of all, happy. But that had been almost seven years ago. Qui-Gon felt like they'd gotten to the point where Obi-Wan was intentionally avoiding him every chance he got. If it hadn't been for their training, he thought he'd never see his Padawan at all anymore. He'd even given up trying to reach to his Padawan through their bond, sadly realising that the walls Obi-Wan had built around his emotions and thoughts were impenetrable. And although it frustrated him to no end, he didn't push him. He couldn't bring himself to.

But this changed everything. Qui-Gon knew his Padawan wouldn't just drop his shields for no reason. He had to know what was troubling him, and it couldn't wait. He was sure of that.

He *needed* to see his Padawan.

Qui-Gon looked at the other Jedi, trying not to let his feelings show in his voice. "He's in our quarters. ", he said. "I should check on him."

Mace nodded at him. "You should do that.", he said with a bow of his head, turning around and disappearing from Qui-Gon's sight. The Jedi master stood for a moment, frozen to the spot. 

Fear and distress now flooded his mind, the intensity of Obi-Wan's emotions threatening to overcome him. And there was another feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on. He couldn't think about it now.

Or wouldn't, afraid of what he might discover... fearing how he might react if his suspicion turned out to be true.

Qui-Gon straightened himself, trying hard to keep his mind blank as he hurriedly made his way to their quarters.

Fear, Guilt. 

Shame. 

Need.

~***~

The scent hit him like a tidal wave. He'd barely opened the door when the sweet smell reached him, enveloping him and sinking into his skin.

It was all over the place, he realised as he entered the dimly lit room, pulling off his boots and placing them on the floor. His eyes darkened as he took another long breath, his mouth going dry. He knew that smell.

It was the scent of an Omega in heat.

Oh, force. No.

It couldn't be. Obi-Wan-

"Obi-Wan?", he called out tentatively, working hard to keep the hoarseness out of his voice. The scent of the Omega was driving him wild, and he closed his eyes for a minute, willing his erection to go down. No such luck though.

Fuck.

//Obi-Wan?//, he tried again, this time through their bond. //Are you alright?//

There was no answer, but he felt another surge of panic along their bond. Qui-Gon looked at the door to his room. Somehow he knew he would find Obi-Wan in there, rather than in his own room. Deciding against knocking, he slowly opened the door and stepped inside the darkness.

The scent was even stronger here, the air hot and heavy. Qui-Gon blinked as his eyes gradually adjusted to the dark. "Padawan?", he said, and then he saw him.

Suddenly, a thousand thoughts swirled in his head. 

He wondered why he had not known this. Well, he'd had his suspicions, but he'd never been sure. How could he have been so ignorant, so blind? His Padawan was an Omega and had never even bothered to tell him. And the signs...they'd been there all along, hadn't they? The way Obi-Wan's agemates towered over him, and how his Padawan always seemed to draw everyone's attention whenever he walked into a room. His slight body and almost impossibly huge eyes... 

//I should've talked to him//, he realised guiltily. //How many times did he have to go through this? *How* did I not notice??//

The boy stared at him, blue-grey eyes wide, fear and need pouring off him in waves. He'd never looked more small and breakable than he did in that moment, on his hands and knees on the large bed, slick slowly trickling out of his hole and wetting the sheets underneath him, darkening the fabric. His belly and slightly spread thighs were wet and glistening, his reddish-blond hair sweaty and plastered to his forehead.

//I want him//, Qui-Gon thought, then quickly forced that thought out of his mind. His head was filled with images of his Padawan, underneath him, begging him to fuck him, to own him. The thought shamed him as much as it turned him on, and it was only when Obi-Wan made a small whimpering sound that he got back to himself, looking into his student's now tear-filled eyes. "Please", the Omega mouthed, whimpering again as another wave of heat surged through his body, leaving him panting and trembling, delicate hands clenched in the sheets.

Qui-Gon felt his heart drop at the sight of him. He didn't know what to do. He knew if he touched the boy he wouldn't be able to stay away from him any longer. 

"Master, please", Obi-Wan said, his voice weak but insistent. 

FeelIng his resolve weaken, Qui-Gon shook his head. "I can't, Obi-Wan. You're my student and I'm not going to take advantage of you this way.", he said in what he hoped was a firm voice.

To his surprise, Obi-Wan let out a disbelieving laugh, his complexion pale. "You wouldn't be taking advantage of me"

"I would, Padawan"

"No, Qui-Gon, please-", he was pleading now, and Qui-Gon was dying to touch him- but he couldn't. He couldn't.

"Obi-Wan", he sighed. "Please don't make this more difficult for me than it already is. I won't force you into something you would regret the next day. Please try to calm yourself while I summon the healers."

He watched with sad eyes as the Omega slid off the bed and scrambled to his feet, swaying a little. Qui-Gon could practically taste his anger and wondered if he'd made the wrong decision. 

Obi-Wan looked at him coldly. "Don't call anyone", he said. "I'll be fine", not waiting for a reply, he slid past Qui-Gon, his body not actually touching his master's, though the close proximity made Qui-Gon's breath hitch. All his instincts were screaming at him to grab Obi-Wan and mate with him right there on the floor, no matter the consequences. He shook with the effort to hold himself back.

He didn't turn around, not wanting to see what Obi-Wan was doing, not trusting his own control. He heard Obi-Wan curse under his breath as he stumbled, though from the sound of it, he got up rather quickly. Barely a minute had passed before the door to their quarters slammed shut with a loud bang, causing Qui-Gon to wince. Oh Force, what was Obi-Wan doing? He couldn't just leave, not in his current state! Although most of the Jedi in the temple were Betas, Qui-Gon knew of a few Alphas who most probably wouldn't have the control he had, who didn't love Obi-Wan the way he did, and who most certainly would jump at the chance to get their hands on a pretty little Omega in heat.

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and shuddered at the thought, sitting on the bed where his Padawan had lain only moments earlier, his delectable scent still lingering everywhere. He felt Obi-Wan's anger through their bond. Qui-Gon let out a sigh. As long as he could still feel his student, everything was alright. 

Or so he thought, until Obi-Wan's feeling of anger was replaced by one of surprise. Not the good kind of surprise, though.

Deeply worried, Qui-Gon rose from the bed, preparing to chase after his Padawan.

He had a really bad feeling about this.


	3. Chapter 3

"Shit", he cursed as he fell over Qui-Gon's boots, struggling back to his feet angrily. He stormed into his room, blinking back the tears that threatened to escape. He wouldn't cry. Qui-Gon didn't want to fuck him, so what? He'd just find someone who would, then.

//So much for not making a fool of myself//

So Qui-Gon really was an Alpha. What a nice way to find out, Obi-Wan thought bitterly. He was painfully aware that there were only thin walls separating them from one another at the moment. It would've been so easy to go back and pull his master into an embrace, just to know everything was alright between them...to convince himself that Qui-Gon still cared about him. The uncertainty was slowly but steadily killing him... and Qui-Gon had made it very clear that he didn't want him, didn't want to touch him. 

He felt rejected, and betrayed. Why the hell did he feel so betrayed? Like they'd both just made a huge mistake. His thoughts made no sense, he knew that. Qui-Gon was his master and Obi-Wan his student. They could never be more than that. He shouldn't have acted on his feelings. 

Maybe Qui-Gon simply didn't find him desirable, he thought. Or he was just not into men. Either way, Obi-Wan lost.

He really hated all this Omega-In-Heat-Shit.

Quickly, Obi-Wan dressed in a fresh pair of leggings and an undershirt. His head was swimming; his breath coming short and hard. He tried to keep the heat at bay, but it was draining his energy and making his body ache all over. He had to leave now. If he stayed any longer, he'd go insane.

He was so fucking afraid to go out. The first time he'd gone into heat had been a few weeks after his nineteenth birthday. He'd been so afraid that day, unsure of what to do. Fortunately the heat hadn't lasted long and he'd been able to hide in his room while his master attended a meeting with the council. Jerking off, as it had turned out, only made things worse, so he hadn't done that. After a few long hours he'd finally been able to fall into a dreamless sleep.

This time, however, he'd not been so lucky.

Obi-Wan let out a quiet sigh. //Fine//

// I don't need him.//, he tried to convince himself as he fled from their quarters, both hoping and dreading that Qui-Gon would follow him. 

~***~

He ran along the corridors, feeling as though his legs would give out from under him. He wasn't sure where to go. The gardens? No. That was probably not a good idea. Maybe he'd manage to leave the temple...he thought as he rounded a corner and promptly collided with someone standing in the corridor. They both cried out in pain as their heads banged together.  
Well, there went his chance of not being seen.

"My, my, my, if it isn't little Kenobi. I see you still enjoy running into me."

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. He knew that voice.

"Bruck", he said, rubbing his forehead as the white-haired Padawan stared down at him, trying his best to sound nonchalant. The other boy's cold blue eyes regarded him with a scrutinizing gaze, narrowing as they drifted down his body. Obi-Wan gulped. The look in the others eyes made him uneasy. He was just about to say fuck it and make a run for it when-

"So it's true. You're an Omega."

Force.

Why.

"I-um...I...yes. Yes, I am", Obi- Wan stammered, his heart beating wildly. He felt like panicking. Why did it have to be Bruck who found him first, of all people?

And Bruck was standing so close to him, too close. And as if that wasn't bad enough, Obi-Wan's leggings were completely soaked through again. If Bruck was an Alpha, there was no way he couldn't smell it.

The other Padawan drew even nearer, reaching out with one hand and grasping Obi-Wan's braid, "Force", he said, giving it a tug."You smell good" He rubbed his cheek against Obi-Wan's neck, inhaling deeply.

Obi-Wan felt a sigh escape him at the skin-against-skin contact.

"You like this?", Bruck asked, not waiting for an answer. He walked them backward until Obi-Wan's back hit the wall behind him. His fingers found the waistband of the redhead's leggings, his thumbs hooking into the fabric and dragging them down Obi-Wan's legs. The intoxicating scent intensified as he did so, and Bruck's skin prickled pleasantly. He smiled ever so slightly.

Obi-Wan could only stare up at him with wide eyes. What had he gotten himself into?

~***~

Qui-Gon had followed him almost immediately, but now he couldn't seem to find him. He'd tried to use the Force to find out his Padawan's current location, but Obi-Wan obviously didn't want to be found. There were traces of him everywhere, scattered across the temple, but nothing for Qui-Gon to focus on.

After spending half an hour searching each and every corner for Obi-Wan, he was fairly frustrated, not to mention sick with worry.

Just then, he spotted Mace, who was returning from the temple gardens.

"Mace!", he called, waving to get the other man's attention. "Have you seen Obi-Wan?"

"No. I thought he was with you", the other Jedi said. He took a breath and looked at Qui-Gon with something akin to wonder. "What's that smell on you, Qui-Gon?", he asked.

The older man sighed. He had no time, he had to find his Padawan. "It's Obi-Wan. He's-"

"-Gone into heat?", Mace finished for him.

Qui-Gon gaped at him. "You knew?"

"Not exactly, but we all suspected it. Some of the other Padawans say they have known it ever since he arrived here. I thought you did, too"

"No", he said, dumbfounded. "I didn't. Force, *why* didn't you tell me?", he sounded slightly angry now, his calm slipping away.

"Well...it was kinda obvious, if you ask me", Mace shrugged.

The anger left Qui-Gon's face and he sighed.

"I was blind, wasn't I?"

"Maybe a little."

"I'm such an idiot. He's run away because I didn't help him and because I wouldn't...you know..."

"Sleep with him?", the Jedi master asked.

"Yes."

"So...you turned him down?"

"I had to, Mace. I won't hurt him", he was right, wasn't he? He'd done the right thing.

Then why did he feel so terrible right now?

"I don't think you'd ever hurt him, Qui-Gon. But someone else might."

"I'd kill anyone who harmed him."

"Well, why don't you tell him that?", Mace patted his friend's shoulder briefly and added. "I'm sure you're going to find him. "

Qui-Gon turned to leave. He heard Mace call after him.

"And don't actually kill anyone, you hear me?"

~***~

He'd never liked Bruck, in fact, he'd always despised him up until now, but the others warm breath on his neck felt so good... 

He didn't know what he wanted.

Bruck turned him around so that he was facing the wall and nuzzled his face into Obi-Wan's neck, his hands stroking down his flanks to his hips. Obi-Wan shuddered. He still didn't like the idea of Bruck touching him, but his touch felt good, and Obi-Wan's body craved more.

He didn't really want Bruck, he was well aware of that fact. But he was so desperate, he felt like he'd accept anyone right now.

Just then the white-haired Padawan pushed two fingers into him and he gasped in surprise. His eyes closed, lashes fluttering against his pale cheeks.

OH FUCK YES. He wanted Bruck. He wanted him so fucking bad it was killing him.

"I never thought I'd say this, Kenobi, but it looks like you're good for something after all", there was a grin in his voice, but Obi-Wan was too far gone now to get really worked up over it. "You want me, don't you?", the Alpha demanded, twisting the fingers buried inside him, working him open.

"Mhmmm", he said.

Bruck removed his fingers, scooping up a handful of slick that ran down the Omega's trembling thighs and smoothing it over his firm ass cheeks and the small of his back, wetting him all over.

"Fuck that looks hot", Bruck said, almost wonderingly.

Oh yeah, he'd definitely lost control of the situation, he realised. Why else would he let his childhood rival touch him? Force, he was going to regret this. Right now, however, he wanted nothing more than for Bruck to ram his cock into him and fuck the heat away.

"Please..", he said.

Bruck pressed him harder against the wall and held him there. "Please what, little Omega?"

"I'm not fucking little", he snapped.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that", Bruck sneered. "Now, do you want me to knot you or not?"

"No. Yes. Just fucking get on with it."

That was all Bruck needed to hear, and he guided Obi-Wan to a kneeling position. Then, he lowered himself to kneel behind him, lightly running a finger down his spine, his ice-blue eyes wandering over the tantalising expanse of soft, bare skin in front of him.

He opened his mouth to make another snide remark when he felt a large hand on his shoulder, practically ripping him away from Obi-Wan. The Omega whimpered, protesting the loss of his touch. He turned around in confusion, gasping as he recognised his master who had the other Alpha pressed against the wall, a wild look in his eyes. 

//Are you serious?//, Obi-Wan thought. How was he ever supposed to survive his heat when everyone was always too busy *not *having sex with him? 

Bruck glared up at the tall Jedi master, practically seething with anger. "What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Keeping you from raping my Padawan, maybe?", Qui Gon replied coldly, a hard edge to his voice. Bruck laughed out loud then.

"So that's what this is about? Master Jedi doesn't want to share his little fuck toy? Ohh I'm so scared now."

Qui Gon winced at that, but his grip on Bruck didn't loosen. "I'm not...Obi -Wan is my student, nothing more"

//Yeah//, Obi-Wan thought. //Unfortunately//

"Hmm, I think you're lying to me, Qui-Gon Jinn. I think you want him for yourself, and that's also why you're practically crushing my shoulder right now", Bruck said. He grinned arrogantly. "You should have seen him a moment ago-he begged me to take him, to make it go away. And before that, he ran into me. Almost knocked me down, too, the little klutz. Again, can you believe it?"

"Chun-", Qui-Gon said warningly, but the Padawan didn't stop.

"I'd keep my eye on him if I were you, master. He's so clumsy, one day he'll fall and hit his head. And when he wakes up, he'll be bonded to some Alpha who found him, someone who isn't you, someone who treats him like shit-"

"SHUT UP!", Qui Gon snarled loudly at him. He stared down at the Padawan, looking for all the world like he finally understood Obi-Wan's hatred of the other boy. He did, however, release him, stepping back a little. When he spoke, there was a hint of a threat in his voice. "You're excused, Padawan Chun. I expect you to keep away from Padawan Kenobi from now on. Are we clear?"  
Bruck raised an eyebrow, looking at Obi-Wan who was still sitting on the floor, unmoving. He then raised his eyes back up to Qui-Gon's face, a smirk curling one corner of his mouth. "Alright, master. I'll stay away from him. Let somebody else mate with him because you *don't* want him...right?"

Qui-Gon said nothing.

"I thought so."

Then he was gone, leaving the two of them alone once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbc...


End file.
